Stupid Fat Bitch Rant # 2

In the complex where I live, I reside on the second floor from the top. There’s a stupid fat bitch who lives above me and does the typical fat bitch activities such as…

Taking the elevator down ONE floor. 

Flopping her fat ass around so it sounds like an elephant flamenco dancing

Yells at me and fellow thinnies with her pudge posse about how we are going to blow away when it’s windy outside. (Um, do I know you? Would you dare yell such things if your pathetic poochie posse wasn’t rolling around behind you?)

Smelling like a fat person. (Very unpleasant when you come in close quarters with her… smells like a combo of sour milk and onions with a hint of Bounty)

Stacking her extra large pizza boxes in the hallway for other residents to trip over because she is too fat and lazy to walk 20 feet to the garbage.

But hence! She has started a new habit! Every night at about 1:00 AM, she starts BAWLING.  Not really sure what she is bawling about, but I can hear it through the ceiling… I did hear her shriek “FUCK MY LIFE!!” Yes, fat bitch, fuck your disgusting, smelly life. Perhaps I should parade upstairs and slap her so she ripples and thunders. I bet she wasn’t able to consume her daily 10 pounds of food leaving her feeling a bit more empty and useless than usual. Maybe tonight I’ll get lucky and she’ll be able to wedge her fat ass out of her 13th story window and go ker-splat on the pavement below. I hope she doesn’t flop right onto my car though… Would insurance cover damage from falling fatties?

No No No DO NOT Let It Flow!

Over the past few fashion seasons, the flowing top has swooped onto the scene, claiming it hides bellies. (However nothing has been done to hide flabby arms yet.) This is not true, for the flowing top was originally designed for those fat ass pregnant women in attempt to hide their obvious birth control blunder. It does not successfully hide the tum-tum, it only makes you look like you are trying to hide a baby, no matter what size you may be.

Unfortunately, with our growing tummy epidemic, stores seemed to be stalked to the brim with these stupid tops and tight fitting ones for us skinny folk are becoming more and more scarce. When one does find those lovely bone-thin-form-fitting tops, all the smalls and mediums and large(s) are gone, (for some reason they only feel like being stocked with 2 or 3 of each…) and we are left with an abundance of XL, 2XL etc. Fatties shouldn’t even be allowed to wear those damn things so why bother making them in their size? Tisk Tisk Mall of America. Tisk fucking tisk.

Thin is out, apparently, but the fight continues! We will fight to the bone!

Molly May