Beachin’ It

I’ve been living on the beach observing the weight of everyone who passes my way. I’ve come to the conclusion that fat people aren’t disgusting simply because they can eat their body weight in one sitting. They aren’t nasty just because they sometimes smell weird or can’t really ooze into seating etc. like a normal person would. And they most certainly aren’t disgusting because they whine about their present state constantly or at the other end of the spectrum wrongfully force others to embrace their great round masses. No, no, they are disgusting simply because THEY LOOK FUCKING DISGUSTING and every time I see someone with stretch mark rolls seeping out of their clothes I throw up inside my mouth a little, or push my delicious salad aside simply because I lost my appetite.

I’ve been slacking, but its all rants from here on out.

~ Molly May, leisure style

Oh How Pitiful.

The public schools (probably private ones too, but I never hear about those) have taken the childhood obesity battle into their own hands. The Board of Education thinks that by simply removing all soda and candy machines that everyone will magically lose weight and start to lead the healthiest of lifestyles. Alas, Molly May will point out the obvious flaws in this ridiculous scheme.

First off, just because you cut out candy and soda at school, doesn’t mean that fat ass isn’t going to go home and magically decide not to stuff their face with soda and candy. Also, they can bring their own backpack full of soda and candy to school anyway, rendering the new solution useless.

Secondly, perhaps the only exercise those kids got was waddling their fat ass up 2 floors to the lone Coca-Cola machine (since repulsive Pepsi is trying to take over America) The schools in the district where I came from only made it required to take 2 semester long gym classes. The required one was spent playing badminton for 20 minutes and the other you got to choose between tennis, volleyball, or this one gym class made especially for girls who must have their period 24/7 because all they fucking did was sit outside on nice days and fill out self image polls when the weather sucked. So, HOW THE FUCK ARE KIDS GONNA GET AT LEAST SOME ADEQUATE EXERCISE IF THEY ARE CHANGING FOR A HALF HOUR BEFORE THEY TROMP INTO THE GYM TO HIT THEIR FRIEND IN THE EYE WITH THE FUCKING SHUTTLE A FEW TIMES. Fuck people, walking around for that amount of time is better for you than sitting in a line waiting your turn to serve a volley ball.

Thirdly, we will take a gander at the cafeteria food, which is a billion times worse for you than a can of pop. You could get a chicken patty which had more calories than a truck full of french fries, and then on the side, well low and behold, a truck load of fucking french fries. Of course, to wash this monumental meal down, you get your thimble full of some sugar-tastic fruit punch or grape juice… you want another thimble of juice? That’ll be another dollar, sucker.

Eliminating the candy machines seemed to have a more negative effect on me than it did the fatties, who always came prepared with their pockets full of sweets. Now, whenever I felt a chocolate binge coming on, I had to ditch class to trot down the street to the gas station. I wasn’t the only girl who did this either, when you take away our chocolate, you might as well have a fucking world war on your hands. That, or a bunch of girls with a sloppy painting class attendance record.

Lastly, the elimination of the candy and soda machines did nothing. The fat-asses still have the freedom to go and sit on their ass at home, play video games and eat cheetos by the bucket-full. Perhaps, just perhaps, in order to eliminate obesity, we must eliminate the fatties’ freedom until they reach a weight that is pleasing to the critical eye.

Big ain’t beautiful, quit lying to yourselves.

~Molly May