Some Parents Really Suck.

Late one cold night about two weeks ago, I came across a TLC special called Half Ton Mom. Being the thin bitch that I am I decided to watch and critique. This special was followed by a few others concerning hippos, excuse me, morbidly obese. No one documented weighed under 500 lbs. Gross.

My angry little brain hath noticed a pattern. All these folk have been porkers since they were small. Why is this? Because of their shitty parents. Seriously, if your kid is fucking hungry all of the time, don’t fucking feed them all of the time. Half ton mama had resorted to hiding food in her closet as  a child like some demented pack rat. Of course the parents made up the excuse that ‘my baby shouldn’t have to starve!’. Well I have news for you enabling shit head parents, when your kid resembles a blimp and they are hungry, they are not STARVING. Do you even know what starving is?

Anyway, point being that in some cases, it is not entirely the fatty’s fault, but partially how they were raised. That obese child mentioned entries earlier? Over 500 lbs at 14? I seriously doubt that kid was wandering around  spending his hard earned work dollars on bad food choices in large quantities. No, that would be his mother.

To top off this randomized rant, only 1 out of 9 children even eat a fruit or vegetable a day. (According to a sign above the apples at Cub Foods)  You know how much produce you are SUPPOSED to eat? five!

So you select American parents, get your fucking shit together and start feeding your kids right. If you can’t properly take care of your children, you probably shouldn’t even be a parent and we should ship you off to a dictatorship because you obviously don’t deserve to abuse this fancy American freedom we have here.

Molly May

Teehee, teehee

Criminals claims they are to fat to commit crimes, and too fat for the death penalty. Tisk Tisk! Happy Halloween!

Read The Article!!

The ‘Real’, the photoshopped, and the stupid.

OH MY GOD! HOW DARE RALPH LAUREN RELEASE A PHOTOSHOPPED ADD WITH UNSIGHTLY THIN PROPORTIONS!

Seriously people, why would you get up in arms about something that is obviously fake? Anyone with an ounce of common sense is aware that the models (and everything else for that matter) in majority of our print media adds have been retouched in some way or another. Even those ‘real’ paunchy women we see in the Dove adds? Photoshopped. Plus sized models? Photoshopped. Everything else? PHOTOSHOPPED!

But of course, the so called REAL women of this world (Tubby ladies who aspired to be married to prince charming at age 4 and spend their days mothering the fuck out of the rest of the world instead of their own kids) Feel that this is such a fucking horrific event. Are you seriously that fucking stupid that you would compare yourself to something that is obviously photoshopped? *SLAP*

Hey REAL [fat] women, get a brain and come to realize that print media adds are not the fucking  bible. No one is asking you to saw off your hips and rip the muscle off your thighs. (although we wish you would) But in all honesty, stop acting like a bunch of angry cows every time a print add shows something OBVIOUSLY unrealistic. And while you’re at it, accept the fact that a real woman can indeed be thin and beautiful. We may not be the majority, but we are a hell of a lot better to rest eyes upon than some heffer flipping out about photoshop.

For those of you who have not seen the add that has caused outrage amongst the barnyard animals, here you go.

Notice how obviously unrealistic it is, and how any sane person would be able to giggle about the ‘chic’ bobble headed blunder rather than go from point zero to complete outrage mode.

Childhood Obesity=Child Abuse?

In South Carolina (go figure) a mother was arrested in June because her fourteen year old hippo, excuse me, son, weighed a whopping 555 pounds. What I find unfortunate about this case is that the heffer went unnoticed until he weighed FUCKING FIVE HUNDRED AND FIFTY FIVE POUNDS. Where the fuck was the law when this poor soul reached 250 pounds? (which I’m guessing was well before he was 14) We really need to crack down on this kind of shit if we want to eliminate fat people. Get cracking you fucking cops. Stop pulling me over for using my blinker too soon and start herding some fatties!

there’s the rest of the article for all of you curious folk.

http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/weightloss/2009-07-20-obesityboy_N.htm

Oh, Japan…

Look what my favorite Thinny discovered on Gizmodo…

Weight IS just a fucking number.

When it comes to being thin, the only thing one should worry about is APPEARANCE. The stupid scale and its faulty numbers do nothing but discourage, since the apparent number of pounds that everyone should be losing varies from person to person. (Many fatties are too stupid to realize this which is why they resort to diet hopping and excuses)

For example, Dumb-Fat-Petite-Bitch and her friend Stupid-Fat-Ogre decide to go on a diet/exercise kick together in hopes of slimming down. Hooray for them. They eat their fruits and granola, prowl around the gym (although their slow lazy asses probably only go on the elliptical for a total of ten minutes followed by excessive wheezing and sweating) and continue to eat more healthy foods and only choke up by eating at Hardee’s once. After of week of these shenannigans, they step on the scale.

S.F.O. realizes she only lost two measly pounds so far, so she is easily discouraged, gives up and stuffs her face with a double order of chinese take-out. Of course she is too stupid to realize that this was completely reasonable, since she was expecting maybe I don’t know a ridiculous goal of 7 pounds like the nasty Slimfast commercials promise?

DFPB steps on the scale and to her horror finds she’s gained one pound. This is probably because her blubbery frame gained a smidgen of muscle from working out harder than it has in the past 15 years with those 10 minute elliptical adventures along with the daily push-up and sit-up. Does she realize this? Probably not, which is why her next move is sitting in her bed crying watching the a fashion for plus sizes show while eating out of the gallon ice cream bucket with the ice cream scoop. Not once did this round dumbass realize that her thighs jiggle a little less than they used too, her double chin receded slightly, and that her body was taking kindly to her new diet of healthy eating.

So when you tubbers are out on a weight loss kick, please stay away from that stupid scale and pay attention to how your outside (and perhaps inside) is changing rather than relying on that god forsaken good for nothing mother fucking scale.

Stupid Fat Bitch Rant # 2

In the complex where I live, I reside on the second floor from the top. There’s a stupid fat bitch who lives above me and does the typical fat bitch activities such as…

Taking the elevator down ONE floor. 

Flopping her fat ass around so it sounds like an elephant flamenco dancing

Yells at me and fellow thinnies with her pudge posse about how we are going to blow away when it’s windy outside. (Um, do I know you? Would you dare yell such things if your pathetic poochie posse wasn’t rolling around behind you?)

Smelling like a fat person. (Very unpleasant when you come in close quarters with her… smells like a combo of sour milk and onions with a hint of Bounty)

Stacking her extra large pizza boxes in the hallway for other residents to trip over because she is too fat and lazy to walk 20 feet to the garbage.

But hence! She has started a new habit! Every night at about 1:00 AM, she starts BAWLING.  Not really sure what she is bawling about, but I can hear it through the ceiling… I did hear her shriek “FUCK MY LIFE!!” Yes, fat bitch, fuck your disgusting, smelly life. Perhaps I should parade upstairs and slap her so she ripples and thunders. I bet she wasn’t able to consume her daily 10 pounds of food leaving her feeling a bit more empty and useless than usual. Maybe tonight I’ll get lucky and she’ll be able to wedge her fat ass out of her 13th story window and go ker-splat on the pavement below. I hope she doesn’t flop right onto my car though… Would insurance cover damage from falling fatties?